[Warning this article is incredibly long due to the fact that Megaman 3 has 900000 bosses. Just letting you know.]
Hello friends and welcome to part three in this series of articles detailing all the boss fights that feature in Megaman: The Wily Wars. As you may have noticed, this article is a bit late but I promise you that to make up for all the pain i’ve caused you from waiting, this will be the best article ever written by anybody who lived.
You may be thinking that a thing like that is quite an arrogant and self-centered thing to say, but you never will know if it truly is the greatest article of our generation unless you hit the jump and read about all the wonderful bosses from the Megaman 3 section of The Wily Wars. Got you there haven’t I?
So let’s start with the weakest robot of Megaman 3. Top man is a literal dancing machine who really doesn’t do much damage to you. He seems to be a giant spinning top too which is a rather odd choice for a robot master. He is also invincible whilst he is spinning, which would make him a difficult boss encounter if his bullets actually did any real damage. Either way he’s a good starter boss, even if he does looks really silly.
Next up is Shadow man who according to Megaman lore is a ninja alien. No I am not making this up. Apparently Wily discovered him and that fuels the plot or something. I don’t know. Still he’s quite cool and after you kill him you gain the ability to throw ninja throwing stars. He is however one of the tougher boss fights in this game as if you don’t have Top man’s weapon (which is useless against anything else in this game) he can be a real bitch to kill. If you do have that power he is a push over. Just make sure to hit him at the precise time you are using his weakness.
Spark man is up next on the boss list and personally, I’ve always liked him. He’s one of the more robot looking bosses in the Megaman series and I like that about him. It also helps that his theme is seriously one of the best things ever. Even thinking about it gets it stuck in my head. To beat him all you have to do is throw the ninja throwing stars at him. As for the fight itself, it is quite challenging while also being a fair-ish fight. So for being hard (but not ‘oh my god fucking kill me please’ hard) Spark man is automatically one of my favourites from this game. I say ‘one of them’ because my actual fav is coming up next.
Magnet man is so fucking fly. Seriously don’t fuck with Magnet man. He’ll fucking stab you, man. Apart from being the most gangster robot on the block, Magnet man is an awesome boss who has the creative power of magnets on his side. His fight can be really hard if you don’t know that you have to hide under him every time he jumps. And even then his attacks can be quite awkward to avoid. Other than that, Magnet man is amazing and a pretty cool dude. Just don’t fuck with him, OK?
Next up we have the walking punchline known as Hard man. Hard man is as you would expect, mocked by every gamer who hears his name and for good reason. That reason being that they named him Hard man. Apart from this immaturely hilarious name and the fact that he is purple in this remake, there is nothing special about him. Just one of those bosses with the standard ‘earthquake’ attack. You know the one, the one you jump to avoid being frozen and open to attack for a couple of seconds. How predictable.
Now Megaman 3 actually does something interesting with the boss order, and that is making it so that there are two sets of bosses that are vulnerable to the others weakness. Basically this means that since the first few bosses I just described don’t have the weapon for the next few, you have to go in just using your skills and wits for a second time in the game. At this point in the game I always go for Snake man because he is the weakest of the three and you probably have enough E-tanks by now to take him. Snake man is kind of silly in design. Unlike other animal themed robots in the Megaman series, instead of actually being a robot snake he just looks like a guy in a giant mascot snake costume. He almost reminds me of a furry. Yeah that’s pretty lame, so let’s move on shall we?
After you have Snake man’s weapon you can take on Gemini man who, as his name suggests is actually two people. Because of this he can be a real pain to beat on your first try. Luck-ally for you if you have Snake man’s weapon you can dispatch one of them easily and continue to annihilate the other one. Also I have no idea what his costume or level has to do with his ‘twin’ theme. If you know send your answers to the usual address.
And finally the last original robot master of the game, Needle man. Needle man is just kind of there. Gemini man’s weapon destroys him so quickly that I never really paid attention to him. He stands there and throws easily avoided needle. Woo. Well that and his stage isn’t really all that good or intriguing. Unfortunately he just seems like filler. And that’s something considering Top man was acceptable but not this guy.
So now you may think it’s time to continue onto Wily’s castle to defeat his plans once and for all, but the game had one more trick up it’s sleeve. You have to defeat the Megaman 2 bosses. Again. Well sort of again, their souls (I guess) are in new standard bodies, but other than that their fights are the same. Expect for Flash man’s however because he is not bizarrely stronger. All you have to do here is think about whose weapon looks the most like their weakness from the previous game and you’re done. Hooray.
So now you may think it’s time to continue onto Wily’s castle to defeat his plans once and for all, but the game still has one more trick up it’s sleeve because it refuses to end. Throughout the game a mysterious figure known as Break man has been fighting you and somewhat even helping you over the course of the game. Break man is definitely a cool character and has become a fan favourite under his real name (this could be considered a spoiler, but do you really play Megaman of all games for the story?) Proto man. Proto man is Mega man’s cooler older brother who has the most predictable boss pattern in all games ever made. He jumps and shoots. All you have to do is keep shooting him back and you’re done. That’s it. Fortunately his cool intro whistle, design and his starring part in the story has made him the iconic Megaman character that he is. Too bad his multiple boss fight were pathetic.
Anyway after you’ve fought Proto man for the 5000th time you can storm Wily’s castle. The first boss you fight here is a machine that spews turtles. It feels weird to say this but I think this may be one of the strangest of Wily’s contraptions so far. Either way once you’ve moved on from that you get to fight the yellow devil monster from Megaman 1 again! Mother fucker. At least this time he has an extra attack which is easier to avoid. But still fighting this dick is just a chore. Ugh.
The next contraption that Wily has made is a series of Mega man holograms. The trick is that all three visions of yourself can hurt you, but only one of them can be hurt. Kind of unfair looking back but at least they can’t replicate your other weapons as well. Except they can which makes this boss a complete bitch.
So after you’ve struggled though that you get to beat all of the new robot masters that this game had to offer again! God this game keeps going on doesn’t it? But after that it’s finally time for the epic finale of the game which is a weird Wily machine thing with eyes poking out of it. OK. Definitely the weirdest and oddest looking final boss this series had to offer but whatever, I can dig it. Use Spark man’s weapon on him then fly up using Rush jet and shoot him silly. Finally the game is complete.
…except it isn’t. LOL!!!!!!!!!!
You see, Wily has yet another bloody trick up his sleeve. Sorry if this article is getting a bit swear-y by now but dear god it just refuses to end. Luckily though the last boss is just Wily in a silly looking mech. According to the story he’s a hijacked peace keeping robot called Gamma, but does anyone care by this point? No. And all you have to do is throw the ninja stars at him until he dies. Finally it’s over. Except it still isn’t and he has one more cunt-ing form. The good thing for my sanity here though is that he dies in one hit from Top man’s weapon. The one thing that barely does anything in the game is finally useful. It’s like Megaman 2 all over again.
And there we go! That was a tour of the billion bosses of Megaman 3. Excuse me while I knock myself out due to exhaustion. I’ll see you next time where I will conquer Wily tower and finally complete The Wily Wars saga. See you then. Ugh.