It’s Valentine’s Day and that can only mean one thing… Top 10 List!
Hit the jump to find out what Sega characters we’d like to get all Valentine-y with…
10. Alex Kidd
Alex Riggen: Let me describe the perfect Valentine’s Day with Alex Kidd…
You’re all dressed up waiting patiently for your date you haven’t seen for nearly 20 years to arrive. Soon you hear the gentle rumble of his red motorcycle coming down the street and your heart starts to beat rapidly. He’s here and you don’t say anything as you get on the back of his bike and he drives off. His long sideburns tickle your face and you can’t help but smile. Dinner goes great as each of you discuss the past and catch-up while making plans for the future. He takes you home, you invite him in for coffee… it’s time to see what that fist really can do…
9. That woman whose husband dies in the first level (House of the Dead 2)
Alex Riggen: Let’s not leave it at “There’s nothing we could do.” You let zombies murder her husband and the least you could do this Valentine’s Day is give her some companionship. During the date, you could reminisce about the days when her husband would hang out by the well and she would run away leaving him to die. Maybe you could even find her husband, now in zombie form, to join you! I smell rekindled love in the air! No wait, that’s rotting human flesh…
8. Chelsea (Phantasy Star Portable 2)
Sven Wohl: Awesome, I can write about Chelsea again! Okay, for all those who don’t know her, she’s your secretary in Phantasy Star Portable 2 and tosses French words into her dialogue. If multilingualism isn’t sexy to you, we have green hair, a great figure and a great futuristic style overall. She’s also very sweet and optimistic. Charming all around! Oh, and those orange/golden eyes? That’s quite unique!
7. Fei-Yen (Virtual-On)
Kris Knigge: While she may be a giant robot designed like a French maid, Fei-Yen would be a fantastic Valentine. Why’s that, you ask? First of all, read that first sentence again, and second, nothing says Valentine’s Day like the ability to crush your foes or blow up the landscape with exploding heart-shaped lasers. Love is dangerous sometimes, and a Valentine’s Day with Fei-Yen would keep that knowledge fresh in your mind.
6. Tyris Flare (Golden Axe)
Mike Kyzivat: 4 words: “she’s a brick…Hooouse!!!!!” Actually to describe Tyris I could just sing the entire song, but I’ll spare you my horrible karaoke attempt. Tyris is from the original Golden Axe games that graced arcades in 1989. She is a bikini clad, red haired, sword swinging Amazon that could summon fire from the sky, or a dragon head from the right of the screen. Back then the graphics on games aren’t what they were today, so to have Tyris look as good as she did in 1989 was no small feat. Every time I pressed up on the joystick (insert joystick joke here) I would be reminded that she was wearing a thong bikini, and had a nice ass for a fictional sprite based video game character. Many a time I would just hold up and watch her walk from the bottom of the screen to the top, like a runway model. Plus I’m a sucker for a red head.
5. Cube (Jet Set Radio)
Tom Kyzivat: Going through a budding Goth phase myself at the time, nothing was more exhilarating on my first play-though of Jet Grind Radio on the Dreamcast than when I realized there was a Goth chick in it, and I had just unlocked her. And better yet, upon my first chance to play as her, I was treated to “Dragula” by Rob Zombie, quietly serenading the two of us as we wreaked havoc on the streets. Don’t get me wrong—techno/cyber Japanese culture is super cool and all, but Cube was a GG after my own heart. We spent many a Valentine’s Day together throughout those Dreamcast years, but we started to drift apart as time went on. She started wearing halter tops and hanging out with those Poison Jam thugs. I never saw her around the Dreamcast anymore—she had starting hanging out on the Xbox. I couldn’t really afford to hang out there, so I just had to let her go. After a long separation, I ran into her on Amazon, and we started hanging out again. I met all her new friends, painted some new street art, and eventually even defeated the corrupt mayor of Tokyo with her. But it was different, and we knew it couldn’t last. But we’d always have the streets of Tokyo-to… and Dragula.
4. Sarah Bryant (Virtua Fighter)
Mike Kyzivat: Ah yes Sarah Bryant from Virtua Fighter, one of only two females in the original game. Now back in the original Virtua Fighter days Sarah wasn’t going to win any beauty contests with her perfect triangle nose and her Steven Tyler lips (actually it was a texture of Steven tyler’s lips) But it wasn’t her fault that the model 1 board SEGA created couldn’t fully display her beauty. Once the Model 2 board was completed we were given a more accurate version of Sarah. An ass kicking blond who’s been brain washed to kill her brother.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a girl by your side that could karate kick a would be attacker 7 times in the face in about 6 seconds? or face plant them on the concrete? Plus she’ll look good doing it in her skin tight blue pants and top. Oh and I’m sure she has a nice personality or something, if SEGA would ever get her out of that brain washing story line they stuffed her into.
3. Blaze (Streets of Rage)
Tom Kyzivat: Ah, Blaze. Few things are as appealing to a boy coming of age in the 90s than a girl in red leather kicking the holy hell out of thugs. It ruined me for dating in my teens: I didn’t want anything to do with girls that didn’t dress like prostitutes or know karate. But the thought of spending Valentine’s Day with that formidable filly is one that is not alien to me. I can picture everything we’d do: we’d start off with a stroll down the street, smashing telephone booths and beating petty thieves to death with our bare hands. From there, maybe hit a nice little pub and listen to a singer for a while, then fight her and the bartender in an alley. After that we’d get a nice, romantic turkey and apple dinner, hidden inside a garbage can or an oil drum. Maybe then a playful romp in the amusement park, where we’ll beat up fat guys and get attacked by alien animatronics, and finally a nice walk on the beach. What’s that under that stack of tires? Gold bars, my love, for you. Later that night, things might get a little hot and heavy, as we get to the hotel and take that long elevator ride to the top floor. Once there, the action really starts, as we “take out a crime lord”, if you know what I mean. And the perfect way to end the evening? Hit reset and start over!
2. Kazuma Kiryu (Yakuza)
Sven Wohl: There aren’t many men I would get romantically involved in, but Kazuma Kiryu? That guy is incredible. He’s nice, honest, pretty much a white knight and punches tigers in the face. What’s not to love? He’s also handsome. Not in a conventional way, more like a ‘Mountain of a man’ way. And let’s not forget he’s got quite some money from beating up punks on the street. He’s also great with children, which spells „perfect partner“ for me!
1. Ulala (Space Channel 5)
Kris Knigge: Between Ulala’s retro-futuristic style and her desire to rhythmically defeat her enemies, Ulala’s a very special lady. She’s independent, carries a laser gun, and holds a good job, everything your mother wants for you in a ladyfriend (by the way, why aren’t you married yet?). If you’re worried about your romantic prowess, she’ll help you out with a handy recommendation of “left right chu hey!”